May 2009
11 posts
Closure...
God has answered my prayer.
It has been almost nine weeks and I am feeling amazing. I don’t miss him, I don’t regret anything, I feel free from the whole thing and I’m feeling much stronger in myself.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that God did answer my prayer. But I am. Surprised and delighted.
My biggest fear was that I was going to be tied to my grief indefinitely and that it would...
Haywo posted this and it made me feel lovely.
this is how we know what love is...
@annahaywo -
right. have decided to opt for shamelessness and just ask: anyone want to be my date to a wedding in june?! it has a ceidligh.......
ketoketo@annahaywo ohhhhh pick me pick me!
now that is real love. she lives in australia. and she really would come to this wretched wedding if i really asked her.
let's hear it for hawkso.. i love my friends.
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t...”
– Louise Erdrich (via littlemiss)
“The irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong...”
– (via springzephyr) (via justlia) (via iamblessed)
Look what I found...
I found this musing in my drafts, and realised I never posted it. I remember writing it about a month ago in a time of utter exhaustion and frustration. It’s strange to reflect on this now, because it was such a short time ago and yet I feel I have moved so far since then. I only have a faint echo of this in my head and heart right now. Which is good. But again, it was part of the journey so...
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their...”
– Mark Twain
Over the years I have been both the priority and the option. Hopefully I am wiser now.
Remarkable me?
I am single.
This means I am available.
Therefore it is now “open season” for me (or on me? I don’t really know which.)
But it’s a case of see no evil hear no evil in that I have no idea what I’m doing.
Sigh…
And so starts the next phase…
Let me preface. One of my most constant prayers over the past seven weeks has been that this process would be a...
April 2009
14 posts
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always...”
– Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
There are aspects of this that I can really relate to. Am I the victim of my own optimism? Does it even matter? Ahh, I don’t know but this snippet certainly made me feel all reflectional…
Depressurisation...
I have had a strange week.
It has been full of lovely friends and classic moments which have made me smile and feel lighthearted, and yet the pain intensified with every day that passed.
Tis a little surreal. Surreal but nice… Not really nice, but whatever it is, I’m up for it because it means things are shifting and coming more into focus. Before it felt like I had emotional...
Great news!
I sat with a friend and managed to verbalise things today in more depth than I’ve felt able to go in to since it happened. This was a momentous occassion.
And afterward…
I CRIED! Woooooo…
For a full 3.5 minutes in the work toilets.
None of this 30 second malarkey you see so often in painful break ups these days… I proper cried. Even when someone came in to pee in the...
Tis dearness only...
I think it would be good to talk about the beautiful Thomas Paine quote that inspired the title of this blog.
“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. Tis the...
My worst enemy...
Is me.
I am rubbish at asking for help.
I’m so used to holding things together. Or at least experiencing things that are shallow enough that I can outwardly process them.
But I feel stuck in my syrupy, globular emotions and it’s a little exhausting.
One of the bi-products of this whole schmozzle is that my confidence has pretty much headed for the hills. It’s quite comedy...
Helpful advice...
People crack me up.
I have had a number of well intentioned people say things to me with an earnest desire to help, but who have had the opposite effect.
I don’t begrudge this, but at times it has really hurt. At other times it has made me laugh, but mostly it just baffles me why people think that comments like the following are helpful:
In third place:
“Have you considered couples...
Three weeks...
It’s been three weeks.
The longest I have not seen or heard from him in years.
Three weeks since he called it off. Three weeks since he said he cared about me but couldn’t commit to me because of his current emotional and spiritual challenges. Three weeks since it became “fairer” to me for us to break up.
So basically, it’s been three weeks since he decided that he...
“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too...”
– Thomas Paine